My Life.

Here I am, sitting and typing my own story and what I feel now at my blog site. 

Everybody has their own life and different life story. I'm on my way to 16th and I know how it feels to treat like a shit. Everybody has their own opinion about me. Maybe they judge me that my life is full of happiness, fun, loves, etc. But if you look inside my heart, you'll know there's a big hole in my heart. I'm a 15th years old girl with damaged here and there.

I know I have intact family. I have my mom, my dad and my brothers. I know they love me, as same as I love them. But sometimes.. They are my problems. Sometimes my mom didn't except me as who I am, my dad always blame me and he has his negative thinking about me, my brothers always annoy me and make me sick. And I always locked my self in my bedroom and cry hard. Crying makes me feel better, but sometimes it won't stop. 

I know I have many friends. My friends always share smile, laugh, stories, and much more fun things that actually can make happy. They know me so much, but sometimes they just like trying to don't-want-to-know what's wrong with me. I always try to ask them about their family, and always listening when they ask me to hear their story and solve the problems. But I don't know, maybe I step the grenade and it's like KABOOM! The grenade is blown up and everything's messed up.

I know I have someone special in my life, yesterday. And for the thousand times I've lost him again and I'm sick of love. A couple should understand and know their partner's character. I've try my best to give everything what he asked to me and try to make it happen. Always trying to make him smile, laugh, comfortable and happy. But what he gave to me? He treat me like his robot. Man, I'm your girlfriend and you must treat me good like I treat you. Every human in this world ain't perfect, every body make mistakes! 

I always try my best to be a good girl with a good attitude and do the good things. But sometimes I'm tired. 

• I forgive to fast even they can't forgive me
• I apologize even though I'm not mistaken
• I care too much even they don't give a fuck to me
• I give too much even not given back 
• I too impatient even they cannot be patient
• I think about someone's feeling even they don't think about mine
• I help even they won't help me back
• I always there for them even they're not there for me
• I love even they actually hates me

I write this not that I a payback or not sincere. I want you all to know that my life isn't as easier as what you think and I want you to know that you have to respect what I've did to all of you. I've done doing many good things but don't you remember? All you just remember just the bead thing that I've done. 

HELLO, do you all never make any mistakes? I'm fucked up here. See your self first before you judge me. 

Sometimes, I think to change 'the good me' into 'the bad me' because I'm tired to being good but they treat me bad. But I know that I can't be like them.

I miss being a child. Whatever they are, everyone loves them. There's no problems, cry about someone, hurt and the worst thing that I ever feel now. We don't have to look great, everything was very simple and peaceful. All I have to do is play play play. All I have to know is fun fun fun. And all I have ever feel is love love love. 

And now I know why Peter Pan didn't want to grow up.

Happy Father's Day!

Daddy is my father. He is the hero of our family, the one who always protect us from danger. He always love us as same as Mom, Yodi, I and Rio. But sometimes he's annoying -_- he always ask me to do something that can do it by him self. But when I feel annoyed, I remember how he cared I grown up to be like now. 

I remember when he told me about my childhood, I pipis at my Dad's clothes when I slept on his body when I was a little girl. I laughed hard when my Dad told me about that :p I remember when my Dad kissed my little bro's lips. It was very funny, we all laughing hard. 

But when my Dad is mad, everybody keeps their silent and try to give what he want. My dad never use his hand for punching or use his feet for kicking. He's just use a loud voice and told us to not do the same mistakes again. 

Me, my big bro Yodi, and my little bro Rio always fighting and when my Dad's know that we were fighting, we always get the punishment. The punishment is he put us in the bathroom until we reconcile. And that punishment is working! We both playing with water until all of us are wet! :p

My Mom is the luckiest woman in the world who's got a man that love her so much. My Mom said that she and my Dad have a lot of inequality. But, they always understand each other. That's why I want to have a boyfriend and a husband like my Dad that always understand me and always except me as I am.

Happy Father's Day, Bapak. 

♥ Your one and only daughter.xoxo

GLEEK!

Because I will go to High School, I will post Glee. Because this musical drama tell us about life at High School. GLEE is the most inspiring drama musical I have ever watch! Do you ever watch it? If you're not, you've gotta watch it!

Why you love Glee so much?

   so, you wanna know WHY I love Glee so much? Really? Seriously? Are you sure you wanna know why I love Glee so much? WHY?????

• First, I love music so much. Glee is a musical drama that always sing a song about whet they're feel.
• Second, Glee told me about how to keep our friendship, how to reach our dreams, how to not look at people through physical, and etc. This musical drama told me about life.
• Third, it told me about how to gain leadership, hard-working, togetherness.

Sometimes, Glee's music is better than the original song. haha, that's what I'm thinking. Screw you if you have a different opinion :p

What's you favorite songs that sung by Glee?

   There's many songs that I love when the it's sung by Glee. And much of the songs that I dislike it, but when it's sung by Glee...I love it. Born This Way and Half Of Fame is stuck in my head lately. I don't know, when I watched Glee 3D Concert, I've fallen love with Born This Way by Lady Gaga and Hall Of Fame by The Script feat. Will.I.Am that sung by Glee.

damn, I love the t-shirt

I'm beautiful in my way'Cause God makes no mistakesI'm on the right track, babyI was born this way

Hall Of Fame by Glee

Who's character you most like?

   Character? I like them all, they have their own personality, they're unique, various. But most of all, I love Rachel Berry, Finn Hudson, Sam Evans, Santana Lopez, Kurt Hummel and Quinn Fabray.

Why Rachel Berry?

Rachel Barbra Berry. Her real name is Lea Michel. She's one of other character that very...very inspiring me! She's cherish, cute, good at dressing, her voice is amazing, kind, hard-worker, dreamer that wanna make her dream come true. She is Finn's girlfriend. She's one of luckiest girl that has a cute and handsome boyfriend like Finn. Omg, their love story are everlasting! But Rachel know how to be Brody's girlfriend, but BroChel is just for now, FinChel is forever!

Why Finn Hudson?

WHY? You really wanna know WHY? Which girl who doesn't want to have a boyfriend like Finn Christopher Hudson? If there was a girl who doesn't want to have a boyfriend like Finn, they are F-R-EA-K.

Finn's real name is Cory Monteith. Finn is...HANDSOME, sexy, kind, gentleman, cute omg...HE IS PERVECT. He is Rachel's boyfriend and Quinn's ex-boyfriend. But, I prefer FinChel rather than FinQuinn. Or, maybe FinDant? HAHA.

 

Why Santana Lopez?
Santana Lopez's real name is Naya Rivera. She's mexican. She's hot, sexy, naught, bitchy. She's talented and at Glee, her character is antagonist as same as Quinn Fabray. She's a lesbian. She has a 'girlfriend' named Brittany Pierce. At McKinley, she's a cheerios co-captain and she's a Diva.

Brittany and Santana

Why Kurt Hummel?
Kurt Elizabeth Hummel is a gay. He's real name is Christopher Paul Colfer. Kurt is a cute, lovely, kind. I love him...I don't know why. I just love him the way he is. HAHA. Because he always confidence with his self. His 'boyfriend' named Blaine. 

Why you love Quinn Fabray?
Lucy Quinn Fabray is a hot girl, pretty, cute, bitchy, sexy. Her real name is Dianna Agron. Her voice is cute and sexy. She's Finn's ex-girlfriend. And she's now with Puckerman. She's famous, fabulous, a Diva and antagonist as same as Santana.

I love Glee so much. I always wish that Glee will make a Glee Season 5 so damn much. Glee rock, Glee will never die. Glee, I'm a Gleeks. Don't Stop Believin' and always hold on to the feelin'! \G/

One thing that ruin everything.

Congratulation Danti! You've passed the national examination.

Now you're going to wear PUTIH ABUABU and say good bye to PUTIH BIRU.

But not so fast...

How about you're score? Guess this is so bad. Because my score is too slight to pass the registration and rules for some school at Semarang. And the worst is... My mom look mad at me. Maybe she think "where Danti supposed to school?". But my friends say that this is not the real score, because at Wednesday there'll be one score that will distributed to all of the students of 9th grade. 

My mom think that I'm too much playing with my gadgets and ignore my study. No mom, you don't know how hard to study like math and science. Everybody has their ability. Maybe my ability isn't there, maybe my ability is in music or sport or cooking or anything. 

Yesterday, my mom came into my room and she ask me to give my galaxy tab and my cellphone to her. First, I give my galaxy tab but not my cellphone. And she ask me to give my cellphone but I don't want to give it to her. She spoke loudly to me. I'm crying and I threw my cellphone.

My mom pick it up and she threw my cellphone out of my window. 

And I'm crying.

Mom, someday I will prove to you that score doesn't mean anything about someone's successful. 

I locked my self in my bedroom, I don't wanna go out. I cry hard.

I prepare my things and planning to go to Tata's house. I don't eat, I'm just crying all day long and read some books that appear in my bedroom. I'm boring without my gadgets. 

And when my mom and dad go out, I opened my bedroom's door and start eat some foods. 

There's my brother and he said "Your cellphone plunged to the pond by mom", and suddenly I stop eat my foods. I'm  shock. But, I still have my galaxy tab.

And than I'm taking a bath and than back into my bedroom. I'm just reading, mirroring, talking to my self and doing something stupid in my bedroom to hush my boring. 

My mom, my dad and my brother laughing out there. I just can hear them laughing. Oh that's such a boring day. Locked my self in my bedroom and waste my whole day with sleeping.

My mom once ask me to join the dinner, but I'm not answering.

Sometimes, I think something that unfair. 

When my brother faced the national examination on 2011, his packet examination only 5. He also got helped by his friend who smart at math and his friend's packet is same as my brother's and that's why he got passed the national examination with good score.

But in my year, 2013. It's very different! I've got 20 packet and the packet's number isn't written on the packet's paper. There isn't same packet. Each students have their packet and different of each others. And I AM NOT HELP.

I've wonder if my mom see my result of my national examination, she'll hugged me and say "congratulation!" or whatever that makes me happy. And if she saw my score, she'll said "don't be sad, next year you've study harder than now". But... I've got my cellphone plunged into my pond. Fml.

CONGRATULATION.

The more mature, more and more problems.

My Parents always say that to me. They not scare me, but they care to me. My parents are born decades than me, they have experience dealing with issues ranging from the simplest, smallest to the largest and most difficult problems. They have been addressing the problem is not their problem. a.k.a someone's problems.

    I, who was 15 years old can not be considered 'adult' must have started to learn to deal with problems. not Not run away from problems.
I've feel much problems that I've solve. Not by my own self, sometimes..I ask my friends to help me and ask them to them to give me some advises.

Family, friends, school, love, boyfriend, money etc.

Sometimes, when I can't face the problems I cry loudly. Locked my self in my bedroom, hugging my favorite doll, talking and asking to my own self, feeling guilty, feeling fucked up, feeling jumbled. Sometimes I just like to blame my own self but sometimes I want people understand me and think about my feelings too. UUGH.
    But...I have to face the fact and let it flow. My life is such a long journey, my age is still 15th and I'm still young. But sometimes I feel so lucky, why? Because at my age, I've got so many lessons that is a provision for my future later to solve my problems.

Because, there's a rainbow after the rainstorm.
There's a bright day after the dark night.
There's a sunrise after the sunset.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.-Kelly Clarkson

The sweetest thing brings the bitter things.

Dear you....

I'm just a girl who wants to make friends.

I'm just a girl who wants to express what I feel.

I'm just a girl who love social media.

I'm just a girl who wants to be who am I.

I always make mistakes, I always stumble when I walked. 

My parents always mad when I've got a bad score at one of my subjects.

Sometimes I'm wrong at doing something. 

I hurt you.

I'm just a human being.

Why it's so hard to love you? 

Why it's so hard to make you love me the way I am?

This is me..... Why can you just except me.

Life is hard.

I always asking my self...

"All this time I still care?" 

Pathethic.

I just like...

"I just forgive you simply because I still want you in my life."

Poor you.

It's just...

"When the only person who can make you feel better also can make you cry."

Sucks.

I want...

"Go back when the things were simple."

Yeah.

life is hard.