Here I am, sitting and typing my own story and what I feel now at my blog site.
Everybody has their own life and different life story. I'm on my way to 16th and I know how it feels to treat like a shit. Everybody has their own opinion about me. Maybe they judge me that my life is full of happiness, fun, loves, etc. But if you look inside my heart, you'll know there's a big hole in my heart. I'm a 15th years old girl with damaged here and there.
I know I have intact family. I have my mom, my dad and my brothers. I know they love me, as same as I love them. But sometimes.. They are my problems. Sometimes my mom didn't except me as who I am, my dad always blame me and he has his negative thinking about me, my brothers always annoy me and make me sick. And I always locked my self in my bedroom and cry hard. Crying makes me feel better, but sometimes it won't stop.
I know I have many friends. My friends always share smile, laugh, stories, and much more fun things that actually can make happy. They know me so much, but sometimes they just like trying to don't-want-to-know what's wrong with me. I always try to ask them about their family, and always listening when they ask me to hear their story and solve the problems. But I don't know, maybe I step the grenade and it's like KABOOM! The grenade is blown up and everything's messed up.
I know I have someone special in my life, yesterday. And for the thousand times I've lost him again and I'm sick of love. A couple should understand and know their partner's character. I've try my best to give everything what he asked to me and try to make it happen. Always trying to make him smile, laugh, comfortable and happy. But what he gave to me? He treat me like his robot. Man, I'm your girlfriend and you must treat me good like I treat you. Every human in this world ain't perfect, every body make mistakes!
I always try my best to be a good girl with a good attitude and do the good things. But sometimes I'm tired.
- I forgive to fast even they can't forgive me
- I apologize even though I'm not mistaken
- I care too much even they don't give a fuck to me
- I give too much even not given back
- I too impatient even they cannot be patient
- I think about someone's feeling even they don't think about mine
- I help even they won't help me back
- I always there for them even they're not there for me
- I love even they actually hates me
I write this not that I a payback or not sincere. I want you all to know that my life isn't as easier as what you think and I want you to know that you have to respect what I've did to all of you. I've done doing many good things but don't you remember? All you just remember just the bead thing that I've done.
HELLO, do you all never make any mistakes? I'm fucked up here. See your self first before you judge me.
Sometimes, I think to change 'the good me' into 'the bad me' because I'm tired to being good but they treat me bad. But I know that I can't be like them.
I miss being a child. Whatever they are, everyone loves them. There's no problems, cry about someone, hurt and the worst thing that I ever feel now. We don't have to look great, everything was very simple and peaceful. All I have to do is play play play. All I have to know is fun fun fun. And all I have ever feel is love love love.
And now I know why Peter Pan didn't want to grow up.