The more mature, more and more problems.

My Parents always say that to me. They not scare me, but they care to me. My parents are born decades than me, they have experience dealing with issues ranging from the simplest, smallest to the largest and most difficult problems. They have been addressing the problem is not their problem. a.k.a someone's problems.

    I, who was 15 years old can not be considered 'adult' must have started to learn to deal with problems. not Not run away from problems.
I've feel much problems that I've solve. Not by my own self, sometimes..I ask my friends to help me and ask them to them to give me some advises.

Family, friends, school, love, boyfriend, money etc.

Sometimes, when I can't face the problems I cry loudly. Locked my self in my bedroom, hugging my favorite doll, talking and asking to my own self, feeling guilty, feeling fucked up, feeling jumbled. Sometimes I just like to blame my own self but sometimes I want people understand me and think about my feelings too. UUGH.
    But...I have to face the fact and let it flow. My life is such a long journey, my age is still 15th and I'm still young. But sometimes I feel so lucky, why? Because at my age, I've got so many lessons that is a provision for my future later to solve my problems.

Because, there's a rainbow after the rainstorm.
There's a bright day after the dark night.
There's a sunrise after the sunset.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.-Kelly Clarkson

The sweetest thing brings the bitter things.

Dear you....

I'm just a girl who wants to make friends.

I'm just a girl who wants to express what I feel.

I'm just a girl who love social media.

I'm just a girl who wants to be who am I.

I always make mistakes, I always stumble when I walked. 

My parents always mad when I've got a bad score at one of my subjects.

Sometimes I'm wrong at doing something. 

I hurt you.

I'm just a human being.

Why it's so hard to love you? 

Why it's so hard to make you love me the way I am?

This is me..... Why can you just except me.

Life is hard.

I always asking my self...

"All this time I still care?" 

Pathethic.

I just like...

"I just forgive you simply because I still want you in my life."

Poor you.

It's just...

"When the only person who can make you feel better also can make you cry."

Sucks.

I want...

"Go back when the things were simple."

Yeah.

life is hard.

ISENG BANGET.

My friend, called Gita called me and asked me to came to her classroom. She asked me to brought my laptop too. And than she opened Google.com and she typed my name.

"What will you do?"

"I'll show you something, you must be surprised!"

Suddenly, I've become kepo. 

And than she clicked Search button and WALA!!!

I'm speechless. My name and my websites searchable in Google.com until page 9!!!

And than, Gita change the search type into "gambar" or picture.

And there's my pictures until page 3 on Google.com search for "gambar" or picture.
I'm very very surprised. Wkwk. Eh, there's my friends and families photos too. Funny huh? I can't speak any words anymore.
Thankyou Google.com!

 HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Parents.

Yesterday night, my friend.... I haven't to say her name right? Okay, just call her "Ndut".
She makes sad pm on Blackberry Messenger and I ask her. And then it's begin from.......

• Me: What's going on?
• Ndut: Mom....
• Me: What's wrong with ur mom?
• Ndut: She blame on me, again.... And she said that she won't care about me and my sister anymore....
• Me: Your mom said that? But, why?
• Ndut: I know my mom has a lot of problems and she also had to take care of me and my sister... I'm scared....
  
  (Ndut has no father anymore because her mom and dad get divorce when she was studied at Kindergarten)
  
• Me: Sorry.... Can you tell me from the first 'till now? Cause, I'm a lil bit don't understand....
• Ndut: First, it's just a simple and small problem. And after that, she getting angry. I can't even explain all to you, it's to difficult... Please, don't tell to anybody that I tell you about this problem.
• Me: Of course I wouldn't tell anybody. Just say "yes mom" if your mom start to blame on you. Okay?
• Ndut: I'm starting to cry, dant.....
• Me: Stop crying, come on..... Calm down, just pray to Allah for your mom that she was strong. If your mom tell you something, just do it. Okay?
• Ndut: Amen, yaAllah!
• Me: You have to obey your mom. Calm down, just pray to Allah.
• Ndut: I always pray to Allah, dant. I'm sad to look at my mom to has a lot of problems and solve them by her self....
• Me: Cupcupcup, don't be sad. Just calm down, okay?
• Ndut: *hug emoticon*

That's Ndut's story about her problems. 

And now.... I have a story too, it's from my.... Just call her "Behel".

It's just a simple chat on Blackberry Mesengger, and I'm the one who begin this all. HHA. Because I care.

*skip*

• Me: Behel, how's your mom and dad? I bet they better now than yet. Right?
• Behel: No, they still like yesterday. And now, they not talking to each other.....
• Me: So, they getting worse?
• Behel: Yeah right. In the evening, my mom said
  "I'll report this to the office. You have to be ready from now if there's something. will happen. Your brother and your sister is ready, and the last is you. I bet live alone rather than like now, hurt."
  
  (Behel's dad cheating and siri marriage and he's now has a little baby from the second one."
  
• Behel: *cont* YaAllah, I envy my friends who have a normal family without any problems like mine.
• Me: Calm, you have to pray to Allah. If they have.... Ehem.... Divorce, just let it be. Your mom is trying, but your dad won't change. Your mom's right. Than pain, better end this. You have to pray if they really wanna divorce. 
• Behel: Yeah right, I can't stand looking at my mom treat like that by my dad. I always thinking, the courtship when cheated will hurt, especially those who are married. Thankyou for your support!
• Me: Yeah, that's right! Cupcupcup *hug emoticon*
• Behel: Thankyou very much dant!
• Me: Pleasure! Pray to Allah, he always hear His servant.
• Behel: Always!

Anyone who see this post, I wish you all not wasting you parents okay? Because, there's a lot of kids who wants to have a normal family without any problems in it. Parents.

Do you ever feel....

You fight for someone you love but, they just like idgaf?

Do you ever feel....

You give everything you have but, they just like a blown wind?

Do you ever feel.....

Loving someone with all of your heart but, they love you just half of their heart?

Do you ever feel.....

When you need someone, they're not beside you. But when they need you, you always there?

Do you ever feel..... 

Cheated? Hurt? Lied? Unrequited? Disappointed?

Do you always patient, forgive them? Or, maybe.. You're not wrong, but to bring the situation back to normal, you say sorry first even that you are not wrong?

Hurt, rite. Sometimes, just like we always think about their feelings and keep it good but they just like idgaf.

I'm tired. Being good person isn't easy. 

I'm Tired, and I always say that thousand times a day.

I waste half of my life waiting for something impossible to get him back.

I hurt my self for waiting something I don't know when he'll comeback.

I dream about him and that's the reason I hate wake up from my bed while my dreams isn't over yet.

I re-read my diary. There's a lot of happy and sad strories about us.

I look back. And I wish that you're there, come to me and say that you'll stay.

I think that this is some test from God.

I waste my money and go somewhere that can 'hush' my boredness.

I cried in the middle of the night. Hugging the doll that you gave to me.

I ask my self.. "Am I ever cross your mind?", "Are you have being in love with someone else?".

I pray to God.. "Please, don't fall in love with someone else."

I try to be a better person.

I hate how easily I remember the things you would rather forget.

My heart breaks a little when I hear your name...

The more I try to move on, the more I feel alone..

Every day I missed you more...

Hey :)