Asdfghjkl

Yang paling menyakitkan adalah....
Disaat kamu selalu ada untuk seseorang, tetapi saat kamu membutuhkan orang itu... Dia hilang.
Disaat kamu melihat ia bersedih, kamu berusaha menenangkan nya, mendengarkan cerita nya, memeluk nya dengan dekap hangat penuh kasih sayang. Tetapi saat kamu bersedih, ia bahkan tak bertanya "kamu kenapa?".
Disaat kamu memberikan 100% perhatian mu untuknya, tetapi ia tidak memberikan sepersen pun perhatian nya untukmu.
Disaat kamu memberikan separuh waktu mu untuknya, mencuri sedikit waktu mu untuk berbincang dengan nya. Tetapi, ia sama sekali tidak memberi luang waktu untukmu, bertemu dengan mu.
Disaat kamu selalu mencoba untuk tidak mengecewakan nya, tetapi ia selalu mengecewakan mu. Tetapi kamu selalu sabar.

Dan yang paling menyakitkan lagi adalah....
"Dia lagi apa ya?", "Kok belum ngabarin sih.., kemana ya?", "Apa pentingnya aku buat dia?", "Pernah ga sih dia mikirin aku layaknya aku selalu mikirin dia?", "Apa dia ngerasain apa yang aku rasain?", "Dia kangen ga ya sama aku?", "Seberapa banyak sayang nya dia ke aku?"
Ketika ia selalu menghantui otak mu, dan memunculkan pertanyaan-pertanyaan dari benak dan pikiran yang kita sendiri tidak tahu jawaban nya.

Dan yang sangat menyakitkan adalah.....
Ketika kamu bingung, memilih saran dari "hati" mu agar tetap bertahan dan saran dari "otak" mu agar segera berhenti.
Ketika kamu berjuang dengan susah payah untuk mempertahankan nya dengan menutup mata, hati dan telinga agar tidak berpaling. Tetapi, ia hanya menyiakan mu.

Hi! Long time no posting here, there's a lot of tasks, homeworks and activities that I can't leave.

So here I am, an officially Senior High School student.

I'm waking up at 5:00 am and pray shubuh, after that I usually sleep again. My mom and dad waking me up again at 6:00 am and I'm starting to go to the bathroom with my eyes still like don't want to open and I still can't really clearly see. After taking a bath I go to my bedroom and start dressing. Sometimes, I prepare my school schedule in the morning after I'm dressing. HAHAHAHAHA. My mom start calling me and ask me to have my breakfast. I go to school with my brother, Yodi. But if he can't, I'm with my dad. I usually go to school at 6:30 am. My school start at 6:50 am.

I'm at X.1 class that there are 28 students in it. Before we start our lesson, we lined up in front of the class and recite the pledge of our senior high school's.

Ikrar SMA Nasima

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim. Ashaduallailahaillah waashaduannamuhammadarrasulullah. Rodditubillahirrabba wabilislamidina wabimuhammadinnabiyyawarasula. Wabilqurani imamawahukma wabilmuslimina ikhwana.

We are the students of SMA Nasima. 

We are always faithful to Allah and his messenger. Dedicate to our parents, respect to our teacher love our friends and have no enemy. Study hard and recite Qur'an. Keep on praying and creative.

Indonesian Youngster.

I'm an Indonesian youngster, the pillar of country and the nation's hope. Ready to defense our country, we always study hard.

After we recite the pledge, we can go to our classroom. After that, we sing the Indonesia Raya song, read Asmaul Husna and Al-Qur'an. 

Our first break is at 9:00 am. My school have no canteen, but some of my friends sell foods so we can buy it. Our second break is at 11:30 am. My school have set lunch for us by catering and the food is so f*in DELICIOOOOUUUSS. If one or two or three or more didn't come to school, I take their lunchies. So sometimes I can eat 3 times at school. First one is from my friend who sell his foods, and for the second and third is from my lunch and my friend's lunch. 

After lunch, we pray dzhuhur and at 12:30 pm, we start our lessons again until 3:00 pm. Before got back home, we have to pray ashar too.

So, I got back round 4:00 pm. I got back home with my friend named Luthfira by motorcycle. But if she can't, I sometimes with my brother or riding angkot.

Tiring rite? 

But, there's a lot of happiness there! 

I can meet my friends, talk with them about random things, joking with them until I'm laughing hard, watch movies, see my crush, and etc. I usually talks with my chair-mate named Icha when we just like gettin' bored with the lesson. Or tell jokes with my boys named Satya, Fathur, Haidar, Alvin etc. When the first break is start, I like to visit the other class to meet my friends like Luthfira, Resa, Ayu etc. 

I love my school, my friends. 

But not the lessons. 

HAHA.

I just open my laptop to browse some quotes pict for my collection on weheartit. Damn yooo, I just found many Glee quotes but I choose Rachel Berry's quotes and DANG! her quotes IS SOOOO MEEE!

I'm still in my holiday after my midterms, and today my mom wake me up at 5:30 am and ask me to sweep my backyard. I plug on my earphone and I'm listen to the music while sweeping.

"All I've ever wanted was to feel special and to feel chosen"

I don't know why, but this quote is soo meee. Feel Special, how you describe about "Feel Special"? 

It is how you treat like a princess with someone you love but just you and only you. It is someone who give you something that just you who have it, call you a cute nickname that just you who called like that by that someone. Feel Chosen is when someone tell you their stories, secrets but just you who know it. 

Once, I've ever feel special and chosen until I know that he do that to other girls too. So, now I'm not feeling special and chosen anymore.

Today's weather is the most great weather to just wearing a Bali shirt and short. So damn hot here, I have turn on my AC but it still feels hot gaahhh.

"What can you do when your good isn't good enough?!"

Well, it's explain that what you have done with your best performance, with your best effort and you have do the best but it's still wrong. And you just like wanna scream "WHAT THE FCK SHOULD I DO TO MAKE IT GOOD ENOUGH??!!" I've felt that. When I'm done trying my best to make him happy, proud and everything he ask me to do I always trying to do that. But, I'm still that wrong at his eyes and I don't know why and now.. I don't know what I've to do anymore. I'm tired of being wrong every time. I've fight for him, but all I got is just a tears and I'm just wasting my whole time thinking and crying over him.

I just wanna let out what stuck in my head and it's just like want to expload. 

Pesantren Nasima 2013

Aku udah jadi anak SMA (!!!!). Tepatnya sekarang aku sekolah di SMA Nasima.
Baru kemarin, aku pulang dari pesantren Nasima untuk santriwati (murid perempuan) selama seminggu, tanpa orangtua, gadget dan kudet. Soalnya di pesantren Nasima gaboleh makan Pop Mie. #duaarrr.
Selama seminggu, kita full kegiatan agamis seperti sholat dhuha, sholat tahajud, mengaji sampai kajian-kajian agama yang lain. Tapi, ga cuma kegiatan agama aja. Ada juga pentas seni dan KBM biasa.
 

Waktu itu pesantren untuk santriwati di mulai pada hari Kamis, 18 Juli 2013 sampai Rabu, 24 Juli 2013.

Barang-barang bawaan ku lumayan banyak. Ada bed cover, selimut, tas ransel dan koper yang isinya alat tulis, alat mandi, baju dan rok. Oya, selama pesantren dilaksanakan santriwati gaboleh pake celana jadi harus pake rok atau sarung.

• July, 18th 2013

taken by: mas razaq, photographer sekolah.

cc: itu kantong plastik indomaret isinya snack, dan itu di pilih. gaboleh ada junk food (re: ciki)

Setelah itu, koper dan tas dibawa ke ruang inap masing-masing anak. Kebetulan aku dapet ruang inap 2, ruang Azar di kelas X-2. Setelah itu, pembukaan pesantren Nasima untuk santriwati officially di buka sehabis sholat asar. Waktu naik-naikin koper nya, aku di bantu sama temenku namanya Fira. hhe.

Sehabis itu, sholat asar lalu ngabuburit di tenda ta'aruf. Ada kajian-kajian islami untuk perempuan.

Menunggu buka puasa

Setelah itu, akhirnya buka puasa jugaaaa. Aku lupa takjil hari pertama apa. Setelah makan takjil, kita sholat maghrib dan makan makanan beratnya. Dan aku juga lupa apa menu buka puasa di hari pertama ^^" makan selesai, lalu ada waktu setengah jam untuk ngelakuin yang lain lalu siap-siap sholat isya' dan tarawih 23 rakaat. Woof! 23 rakaat, cukup capek. Soalnya kalo di rumah cuma 11 rakaat.

Sehabis sholat, ada kajian fiqih tentang wanita dan hukum-hukum yang berlaku di islam untuk wanita lalu tidur.

• July, 19th 2013

Bangun tahajud - makan sahur (lupa lauknya apa) - sholat subuh - tidur lagi

*3 jam kemudian*

X-2, lagi di lab fisika

 Jadi, dari jam 7:30 kita sholat dhuha seperti biasa. Para santriwan (siswa laki-laki) juga masuk sekolah seperti biasa. Santriwati belajar sampai jam 9:30 lalu belajar fiqih terapan dan life skill. Life skill semacam ekstra kurikuler, bekal untuk minat bakat kita di suatu bidang. Kebetulan aku ikut jurnalistik, dan itu sama sekali ga di potret sama mas razaq -_- Dilanjutin lagi ke sholat dzhuhur, lalu santriwan pulang dan santriwati mulai melakukan aktifitas biasa yaitu BTA lalu boleh istirahat sampai jam 3 sore.

Jeng..jeng!! Beduk yang di nanti-nanti pun tiba!!

ini takjil nya donat sama ager-ager

Sehabis maghrib, makan berat, sholat isya' dan sholat tarawih, kajian hari ini adalah sosialisasi tentang Al Qur'an elektronik dan ada dokumentasi tentang "Ibu", selanjutnya pergi ke mimpi masing-masing a.k.a tidurrr.

• July, 20th 2013

Bangun dari Qiyamul Lail jam 2:30, langsung sahur.

Hari ketiga, akhirnya nemu foto waktu lagi sahur. Lagi jelek-jelek nya wajah. Nge-blur lagi fotonya -_- gapapa deh buat dokumentasi. Hari ketiga kalo ga salah menu sahur nya daging, enaaakkk banget.

Waktu menjelang buka puasa, kita kedatangan bintang tamu dari SLB. Walaupun mereka punya banyak kekurangan, tapi mereka pintar! Pernah masuk tv lagi. Waktu di ceritain, aku nangis tapi untungnya ga di potret wkwk. Jadi, kita harus bersyukur dan ngegunain tubuh kita untuk sesuatu yang baik dan bermanfaat.

ada yang buta, keterbelakangan mental dan autis

Setelah anak-anak dari SLB tampil, akhirnya berbuka puasa dan untuk ketiga kalinya aku lupa menu makan nya :D

disitu duduk ku keliatan banget anti-mainstream

Setelah buka puasa lalu maghrib dan di lanjutkan dengan makan berat, sholat isya', sholat tarawih dan kajian. Nah kajian hari ini dari kakak-kakak UNES. Mereka memotivasi kita, yang aku petik sih "jangan lari dari masalah".

• July, 21th 2013

Hari keempat ini waktu pagi jam 6an, kedengeran ada suara yang ga asing. Lagunya JKT48, ternyata anak kelas 7 dan 9 lagi senam pagi. Setelah KBM, ada fiqih terapan tentang jenazah. 

Setelah kajian, BTA langsung jam istirahat. Ternyata mas Razaq lagi jalan-jalan ke lantai 2 tepatnya tempat ruang inap. Ketemu, terus minta di fotoin deh. Haha.

Malamnya, ada kajian tentang kewanitaan tentang Haid dan tentang kewanitaan yang sesuai dengan hukum islam. Waktu itu duduk sebelahnya Ica, malah ketawa-ketawa.

• July, 22th 2013

Hari kelima itu... Gaada fotonya aku dan aku cuma inget itu juga kalo-ga-salah praktek wudhu :-p

Kasih jadwal nya ajaya wkwk :-p

• July, 23th 2013

Hari ini keenam banyak foto! Tapi.... Waktu lagi buka puasa. Oya, hari itu juga latian musikalisasi puisi tapi tiba-tiba listrik nya anjlok tapi alhamdulillah nya hidup lagi.

Setelah sholat maghrib, buka puasa, isya' dan tarawih... Kita ada musikalisasi puisi yang bertemakan "Nabi Ibrahim AS" dan lucu nya, ruangan ku bikin musikalisasi tentang nabi Ibrahim tapi lebih menonjol ke "Ibu" tapi alhamdulillah nya dapet juara 3 \=D/

Ibrahim sayang Ibu =))

Dan takjil malam nya enaaaakkk banget. Siomay, makan 2kali deh akunya wkwkwk =)) setelah acara selesai, aku belum tidur! Malah main internet sama Vanessa :-p

• July, 24th 2013

Dan ini hari terakhir pesantren. Sehabis KBM langsung packing dan acara penutupan. Ternyata aku bawa camera pocket! HAHAHA. Tapi aku sembunyiin soalnya gabole bawa camera :-p kekekekek.

Dan akhirnya pulang kerumah masing-masing!! Nyesel banget ga nulis di buku biar bisa lebih jelas nerangin disini.... Tapi pengalaman ini berkesan banget, jadi tau cara wudhu yang bener, tentang sholat, puasa, tajwid bacaan Al Qur'an dan lain-lain tentang hukum Islam. Biar bisa jadi muslimah yang benar :-D

photo source: pesantrenasima.weebly.com

Teman.

Dimana ada pertemuan, pasti ada perpisahan.

Buat aku, memories will never die. Disini sukanya aku nulis, aku bisa tumpahin semua cerita aku jadi aku bisa baca hasil karya tulisan aku sendiri. Mungkin belum terlalu mahir, tapi dengan segala cara aku nulis buat kalian... Temen-temen SMP.

Mungkin ga semua tentang kalian aku tulis semua disini, dan aku harap kalian berkesan dan sedikit meluangkan waktu buat ngebaca tulisan nya aku. :-3

Apasih arti "Teman" buat seorang Danti? 

❤. Teman itu keluarga. Keluarga kecil yang gatau siapa bapaknya, siapa ibunya. Keluarga kecil yang selalu ada disaat aku ngebutuhin mereka, keluarga kecil yang selalu menerima aku apa adanya. 

❤. Teman itu rumah. Rumah yang melindungi aku dari bahaya, rumah yang di isi orang-orang yang aku sayang, rumah yang menghangatkan dan nyaman.

❤. Teman itu pelawak. Mereka menghibur aku dengan canda nya, membuat aku bahagia dengan tawanya tanpa minta balasan apapun.

❤. Teman itu psikolog. Mendengar dan memberi saran buat aku waktu cerita. Dengan sabar mereka ngedengrin cerita aku yang terkadang itu-itu-aja dan berusaha nenangin aku.

❤. Teman itu orang baik. Mereka mau meminjamkan bahu nya saat aku butuh senderan, mau meminjamkan telinganya untuk ngedengerin cerita nya aku dan segala keluh kesahku, mau mengorbankan bajunya karena basah dari tangis ku, mau berbagi kehangatan dengan pelukan, berbagi keceriaan dengan canda-tawa nya <3

Susah-senang, canda-tawa, suka-duka dan semua yang telah kita lewati bersama gabakal gue lupain. Dari zaman kita masih bocah tengil ingusan yang terkadang sosoan sampai kita sudah agak cukup bersikap dewasa gabakal gue lupain.
Dari yang suka korea sampe yang suka ftv. Kelucuan-kelucuan kalian gabakal gue lupain, banyolan dan kekonyolan kalian gabakal pernah gue lupain. Dari yang paliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing nyebelin sampe yang paliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing  nyenengin. Dari yang paliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing normal sampe yang paliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing alay :-p

 Friendship can never can't end.xoxo

My Life.

Here I am, sitting and typing my own story and what I feel now at my blog site. 

Everybody has their own life and different life story. I'm on my way to 16th and I know how it feels to treat like a shit. Everybody has their own opinion about me. Maybe they judge me that my life is full of happiness, fun, loves, etc. But if you look inside my heart, you'll know there's a big hole in my heart. I'm a 15th years old girl with damaged here and there.

I know I have intact family. I have my mom, my dad and my brothers. I know they love me, as same as I love them. But sometimes.. They are my problems. Sometimes my mom didn't except me as who I am, my dad always blame me and he has his negative thinking about me, my brothers always annoy me and make me sick. And I always locked my self in my bedroom and cry hard. Crying makes me feel better, but sometimes it won't stop. 

I know I have many friends. My friends always share smile, laugh, stories, and much more fun things that actually can make happy. They know me so much, but sometimes they just like trying to don't-want-to-know what's wrong with me. I always try to ask them about their family, and always listening when they ask me to hear their story and solve the problems. But I don't know, maybe I step the grenade and it's like KABOOM! The grenade is blown up and everything's messed up.

I know I have someone special in my life, yesterday. And for the thousand times I've lost him again and I'm sick of love. A couple should understand and know their partner's character. I've try my best to give everything what he asked to me and try to make it happen. Always trying to make him smile, laugh, comfortable and happy. But what he gave to me? He treat me like his robot. Man, I'm your girlfriend and you must treat me good like I treat you. Every human in this world ain't perfect, every body make mistakes! 

I always try my best to be a good girl with a good attitude and do the good things. But sometimes I'm tired. 

• I forgive to fast even they can't forgive me
• I apologize even though I'm not mistaken
• I care too much even they don't give a fuck to me
• I give too much even not given back 
• I too impatient even they cannot be patient
• I think about someone's feeling even they don't think about mine
• I help even they won't help me back
• I always there for them even they're not there for me
• I love even they actually hates me

I write this not that I a payback or not sincere. I want you all to know that my life isn't as easier as what you think and I want you to know that you have to respect what I've did to all of you. I've done doing many good things but don't you remember? All you just remember just the bead thing that I've done. 

HELLO, do you all never make any mistakes? I'm fucked up here. See your self first before you judge me. 

Sometimes, I think to change 'the good me' into 'the bad me' because I'm tired to being good but they treat me bad. But I know that I can't be like them.

I miss being a child. Whatever they are, everyone loves them. There's no problems, cry about someone, hurt and the worst thing that I ever feel now. We don't have to look great, everything was very simple and peaceful. All I have to do is play play play. All I have to know is fun fun fun. And all I have ever feel is love love love. 

And now I know why Peter Pan didn't want to grow up.

Happy Father's Day!

Daddy is my father. He is the hero of our family, the one who always protect us from danger. He always love us as same as Mom, Yodi, I and Rio. But sometimes he's annoying -_- he always ask me to do something that can do it by him self. But when I feel annoyed, I remember how he cared I grown up to be like now. 

I remember when he told me about my childhood, I pipis at my Dad's clothes when I slept on his body when I was a little girl. I laughed hard when my Dad told me about that :p I remember when my Dad kissed my little bro's lips. It was very funny, we all laughing hard. 

But when my Dad is mad, everybody keeps their silent and try to give what he want. My dad never use his hand for punching or use his feet for kicking. He's just use a loud voice and told us to not do the same mistakes again. 

Me, my big bro Yodi, and my little bro Rio always fighting and when my Dad's know that we were fighting, we always get the punishment. The punishment is he put us in the bathroom until we reconcile. And that punishment is working! We both playing with water until all of us are wet! :p

My Mom is the luckiest woman in the world who's got a man that love her so much. My Mom said that she and my Dad have a lot of inequality. But, they always understand each other. That's why I want to have a boyfriend and a husband like my Dad that always understand me and always except me as I am.

Happy Father's Day, Bapak. 

♥ Your one and only daughter.xoxo